Complications of Cultural Appropriateness

Wherever I go, I strive to be culturally aware, sensitive and appropriate.  This is a monumental task, but I've been conditioned for it throughout my life.  It's one of the strengths of growing up as a third culture kid.  And I am grateful for it.

When I arrived in Okinawa, Japan, I largely focussed on this task (even if at times subconsciously).  How do I act in this new environment?  What is the appropriate and polite way to interact with people?  How can I communicate effectively with minimal language skills?  How can I avoid making a complete idiot of myself, as much as possible?  How do I bear myself with dignity and humility?  These are just a few of the questions that shaped what I sought to learn.

My main focus was how to be as Okinawan as possible.  What is the appropriate way for Okinawans to eat?  How do Okinawans greet each other?  How do Okinawans sit?  How do Okinawans walk?  How do Okinawans bow?  And the list goes on.  From the most basic everyday behaviors to more specific and detailed actions, I wanted to know it all and do it all.  I was in cultural adaption mode.

A year and a half later I've learned a lot.  And yet I find myself completely caught off guard by one simple fact: I am not Okinawan.  I am a foreigner.  All this time I've been doing my best to adapt to Okinawan culture and I realize that no one will ever mistake me for Okinawan.  Don't get me wrong, being culturally appropriate may surprise and delight Okinawans and show them that I honor them and their culture.  But when they look at me they see a foreigner and with that comes a whole set of expectations.

So all this time I've been trying to be more Okinawan, I've completely missed the expectations they have of me as a foreigner.   Expectations that don't necessarily match up with the Okinawan behavior I've been trying so hard to emulate.  It's ironic, really, that I've worked so hard only to find out I'm trying to learn the wrong thing.

And of course my Okinawan friends told me as much.  They told me that I didn't have to act in Okinawan ways because I'm a foreigner.  But of course I just took that to mean, "No one can achieve sufficient cultural appropriateness, so we don't hold foreigners to that standard."  They were right.  But naturally, instead of listening, it only strengthened my resolve to achieve the unachievable.

Let me put a brief disclaimer in here:
I am not saying that seeking to learn the customs and ways of a culture is the wrong way to go about things.  I think it is absolutely necessary.  And I'm glad I am coming to this realization now, after I have tried so hard to learn Okinawan culture.  I don't think time spent learning culture is ever wasted and I don't think I would have stumbled upon this idea if I hadn't been trying so hard to learn Okinawan culture.  It's because I'm trying to understand their mindset that I even realize that I need to not only be sensitive to their own cultural behaviors but also to what they expect of foreigners.  And of course within that I want to support their positive expectations through my behavior and dispel any negative expectations they have.

That being said, it's odd to now go back and readjust my adapted behavior to account for this new revelation.  In some ways I think it will be much harder.  It will be harder to hold in balance, not my view of myself as a foreigner, but their view of me as a foreigner and not how I naturally act as a foreigner, but how they believe considerate foreigners should act.  Phew!  I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it.

Maybe I over think things, but I believe this is just the next step in cultural adaption.  In some ways its sad to remember that I will always be a foreigner here, no matter how accepted I am on some level.  I can never be Okinawan and that means I can never truly belong.  But I praise God for the reminder, because he is creating a home for me where I will completely belong.  And I do completely belong to the Christian believers here who are Okinawan.  We may have different cultural backgrounds but our primary identity is in Jesus Christ who surmounts all cultural differences to unify his people.  Praise God!