Maintaining the tension between Flexibility and Volition

My personality type likes structure. I work well when I know what's coming and I know how to plan for it. But I have this weird quirk to my personality: I grew up in Haiti.

Often Americans who go to Haiti get very frustrated because Haiti is the essence of borderline chaos and constant change, which causes unexpected situations. But I grew up in that culture, so it doesn't bother me. I have the ability to override my natural tendency and desire for structure and be completely comfortable with the unexpected. I have a fairly well developed ability to "fly by the seat of my pants."

So when I came to Okinawa I switched into my "flexibility" mode. If I hadn't, my transition would have been much harder. I became almost completely non-volitional. I submitted to everybody else's plans for me. I didn't make plans. Which in some ways was necessary since I was basically entirely dependent on other people to function here. It's like being a child again and having to be dependent on other people to take care of you.

So I would go to church with one of my roommates and find out after church that I was going with my other roommate to visit some place or other. I would go to work and find out halfway through the morning that we had a special class or chapel to attend. I would go home and eat whenever my roommates ate and eat what they ate. There are often sudden changes in plans and people often forget to inform me since I'm there when they discuss the change in plans. They forget that I can't understand anything. So I just wait until they are finished and someone tells me to go with them to some place or other or to do something or other.

I thank God for his blessings in preparing to function in these type of circumstances and to remain flexible. But I realize, just as kids grow up and become independent, I have to reclaim some of my own volition. I have to make my own choices. I have to take care of myself. I have to create boundaries within which I can function.

So this is the tension that I am struggling to understand and maintain: How to plan for the future while graciously accepting sudden changes; how to take the time to create structure but holding onto it with a flexible grasp.

It's like I can function in two different modes: rigid structure and Haiti-grown flexibility. But I can't function in both of those modes simultaneously. It's the tension I feel in teaching: remembering to love the kids above all, even at the expense of my lesson plans while also taking the time to plan and create initial structure so that good learning can occur. By God's grace I will find some measure of balance in this area.