Every "hello" is inevitably followed by a "goodbye"

I immensely enjoyed and appreciated my life and time in Okinawa, Japan over the past nearly 3 years.  I was blessed to love and be loved by some amazing people.  And I felt at home among people and places I knew.

 But in the beginning of April 2013 the time came for me to go

and I said goodbye.

Then I got to see my parents briefly

and then said goodbye.

Then I got to see some of my closest friends, Jen and Jon Newsham 

and meet their daughter Olivia

and then said goodbye.

Then I traveled to Africa and visited my brother and sister-in-law

and reacquainted myself with my sweet nephews

and made some new friends

and then said goodbye.

Then I went to a mission leadership conference and reconnected with some old friends

and made some new friends

and then said goodbye.

No wonder I am emotionally reeling.  My initial loss and grief of saying goodbye to people and places close to my heart has been compounded 4 times over.

No wonder I suddenly feel like bursting into tears at times.  No wonder I feel somewhat reluctant to reconnect with people around me.  No wonder I feel so drained.  

I truly am happy for all the time I've had visiting people whom I dearly love.  And I am happy to be in Portland and reconnect with friends and family.  

It is true that I am happy.  And it is true that I am sad.  But in order to fully embrace the joys that come from entering an new phase in life, I must first experience the sadness and grieve.   

I'm not exactly sure what that will look like.

Missing Home

Home.

A word so pregnant with meaning and emotion.

Whatever image or emotion that word evokes, there is a an underlying current that tugs at all our hearts, without exception.

Longing.

Longing for peace.  Longing for love.  Longing to belong.  Longing to be safe.  Longing to be surrounded by and connected to people with whom we can share all these things.  Longing for everything that home should be.

Longing for something that we'll never completely experience here on earth.

That seems terribly depressing, like unrequited love.  Having something you desire but cannot achieve.

And it is depressing to live in the heart-rending pangs of unfulfilled longing.  But some of us have a hope.  And for those of us with this hope, it is the only thing that keeps the longing from driving us mad.

We have a HOME.  A home of perfect peace, love and safety.  A home where we belong and where we will be surrounded by a family, more vast and diverse than we can imagine, bonded together in complete oneness of heart.

We do belong somewhere.  We do have a family.  We do have a loving Father.  We will be at rest there someday.  And then our longing will be entirely fulfilled, beyond even our own awareness of what we longed for and how deeply the core of ourselves longed for it.

We will be complete.  Longing is the admission that we are lacking.  We will no longer lack...anything.

This is our hope.  The hope that Jesus is making a home for us and that he can also make us fit for that home.

"Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."  Hebrews 11:16

I do not like the longing.  But it does not cause me to despair.  I have hope.  I have a home.  I can anticipate the absolute fulfillment of all my longings.  I can live with that.  I can live for that.

Acknowledging the longing and anticipating the realization of Home.