I have kind of fallen of the face of the earth. It has felt that way at any rate. I wanted to update you all on my present life and share a little bit of my journey with you:
Since being back from Japan I haven't been able to find a job. I didn't think it would be too hard to find a job. I wasn't looking for anything superb, just a job to pay the bills. I figured I could look for a more permanent job while working a job I didn't really care about. But I didn't find one. Even after working up my resume and all that rigmarole.
I thought I'd try for unemployment. But after a lengthy process, I was declined those benefits as well.
I joined a temp agency hoping they would have something for me, but I wasn't getting very much work through them either.
I was starting to get rather desperate, since technically I hadn't worked since March. I had been sure I would be able to find something by now. And I was getting depressed about it all. Work is integral to our natures (we have worked since the Garden of Eden). And not having work can have a dehumanizing effect upon one's spirit.
But as I was sharing with a friend of mine I realized that in my pride I felt entitled to a job. I felt like it was my human right to have a job. With all the jobless people out there, I can hardly claim having a job as an unalienable human right, but I wasn't just anyone. I should have a job.
Then I was reminded of a truth that I was reacquainted with through my church in Japan. It is an old truth, but I'd never really fully embraced it before: I deserve hell. God would be perfectly justified in condemning me to eternal damnation.
Therefore anything that I receive that isn't hell, is a gift of God's grace. I have eternal life through Christ Jesus. I have food to eat, clothes to wear, a warm house to shelter in and people who love me. I am extraordinarily blessed.
And then I was reminded of another truth while in church here: God has promised to be my provider. He will take care of my needs. To me that meant a job, but God didn't promise me a job, he promised to take care of my needs, and that could happen in numerous ways. I am not creative enough to imagine all the ways he may choose to take care of me.
I needed to experience some difficulties to prepare my heart to be open. My proud and stubborn heart have to be brought painfully low before I can be open to seeing and receiving from the Lord. I needed the lack of financial security to make me realize I was not trusting my loving Savior. I needed to be reminded of how much I really have in order to see and appreciate all the blessings he's giving me.
And since my heart has been humbled of its pride, the Lord has been showing me his faithful provision. I have started getting regular work at the temp agency. People through church have offered to help me with my resume and job search. Random people have given me free bus passes. A long-time family friend sent me and my sister money because the Lord laid us on her heart through a dream. It's so hard to trust him with financial matters, but he is ever faithful.
I'm sure there are even more instances that I can't even think of, and I am certain that there will be more in he future. I pray that I will have the humility and tenderness to remain open to what the Lord is doing and grateful for all the blessings.
May the Lord continue to bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and grant you peace
